May 13, 2004
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I miss people.
I’m obviously a person who gets really attached to others. Especially those of a kindred spirit, and this doesn’t even have to be those I ‘see’ really. I was looking through and purging old email addresses the other day and nearly cried thinking of Barbl who passed away a few months ago. I still can’t seem to bring myself to delete her address, though I know it wouldn’t do any good to send anything to it.
At the mother-daughter brunch I attended Saturday with my sister and her daughter and her daughter’s daughters, I got pretty wound up about my own mom. I’ve been without my mammaw for about 23 years, but still miss her a lot. We were close. I have a friend who was in Germany when I was there, two good friends actually, and we spent most of three years getting close, helping each other with various new things of ‘living abroad’. We cooked together, cleaned together, shopped, took a trip to France together, took a language course together and you get the picture. We spent endless hours getting close, sharing, helping raise each other’s children as though we were family. Then we all get shipped back stateside and are miles apart, with few opportunities to visit. Waaaa
I miss my girls at times since they have moved on to have little families of their own, I miss groups of folks I used to run around with to concerts or whatever, I miss people I’ve lost online. Someone tell me… WHEN will IT end!!?????? You’d think after being military and moving several times I’d have a thicker skin, wouldn’t you?
Now, I’m not dysfunctional, in that, I can still go through my days, but I really and truly do think of these folks and those who are still among the living, I try to come up with ways to get to see them. Not always successfully, but I still contemplate the possibilities.
In truth, I love people. I’ve always seemed to see past exteriors and look for that good portion of those I meet. In most cases, I find that part and adhere to it. In return, they seem to adhere to me as well. I have been known to upset some in my own family by asking them to put themselves in another’s place when they are upset with them. I just empathize deeply with most and it makes em appreciate them and want to understand them more than the average bear.
From within this perspective there are snaffoos. I’m duped at times. I look for good when there is little there or when the person will use my hope to see good and stick the preverbial knife in me when I get close. Hasn’t happened often, but it does occur. I still prefer though to look for that good. I’m much happier than if I were being cynical and suspicious. So, I guess my lot will be to mis those I see to litlle. Shoot, if I had my way everyone would live within an hours drive of me so I could get around to them all most every week to visit.
But in this imperfect world, we meet, we move and then I am stuck.. missing… *sigh* C’est la vie
Comments (2)
It is incredible how people can come and go in ones life. I have often thought about those who I no longer talk to. Some because we grew apart and others because they are no longer in this world. When I listen to one of my favorite bands It make me want to be able to talk to my friend Brandon who died last summer. And then I go into a state of disillusion because I cannot truly believe that he is gone. He was one of the best, never to be replaced.
But to be honest I have a hard time making friends. Especially girlfriends. I don’t know what it is. In the past it was because I could feel all the differences that should never be felt w/ friends. Nowdays, its because I am in a completly different place than other girls my age–Motherhood. When I was younger I really only had guy friends. They never seemed o hide about how they truly felt about things. I appreciated how they would just come out and say things. Refreshing.
I am sorry for all your loss with your firends and your beautiful mom. BUT I do know that they miss and think of you as you do them. And wouldn’t it be absloutely wonderful to be able to live closer to all those who are far away??
I am sorry to have gone on like this. I feel for you, and it sparked those same feelings of yearning in myself… Oh and Deb “HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!! (belated). I hope you had agood one
Sarah
About Barb , what a coincidence Deb, , I read again recently a chat I had with Barb . It is rather short because she had difficulties to type and it has stopped when the nurse came in for the meal . I keep it . In the same way I found out an e.mail from Wickgal . Their writings where their mind and their soul were always remain .
About friends , how many friends I have left on the bank of the river of life while I was caried away by the flood . The case of Douglas was really a famous exception that has touched me more than people can imagine .
Love
Michel