May 2, 2004

• Pretty cool site link Tuulii found

  
  

  http://www.bookblog.net/gender/genie.html

  
  

   You can check your writings here.  I ended up showing them the entry about Faithfulness and they said I was male. lol  Oh boy!

  
  

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  I wanted to pick up and go into the Love Languages topic to which I hinted in the last entry and probably a couple other times here.

  
  

  I will allow you to research it more fully if it’s something of interest to you, but want to hit a key point that stands out to me when I ponder the idea. That is the utter dumbfounded-ness some people have sweep over them when they realize for the first time that doing things how they prefer things be done isn’t a guarantee to pleasing another person. This revelation seems beyond a number of people’s grasp. I mean, to them, in their own little world, the way they do things is best and should be fine/enough/perfect for everyone else… because… it’s how they like it. heh heh

  
  

  I shouldn’t be so flippant about this I guess, seeing as the divorce rate and utter frustration in homes between parents and their children is so high. I truly believe there has been a great loss in our society that results from the transient nature we have seen become the ‘usual’.

  
  

  I recall days spent with my extended family as a youngster, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, pretty regularly gathered and spent time together. We ate, played, talked, sang and inevitably, when a child did something they should not have done, another family member might be heard to say, ‘they didn’t intend to be mean, they’re just being a kid, let it go.’ So the kid smiled up appreciatively at that uncle or whomever, looked to mom or dad, and skipped off relieved to continue playing. Later, they might even go thank Uncle Gene or Mammaw Brown for helping them to not be in trouble and they’d tell them, with sincere gratitude, they’d be more careful/better/considerate in the future.

  
  

  What has this to do with my comment about our transient nature these days? The thing is this: when we have the extended family as a more involved part of the everyday life of our children or in other relationships, their willingness to offer tips and help us get a handle on our own uncertain methods of dealing or coping, might be the key to assuring success. I missed my family so much when I was a young mom of three living far from home and my family. What I came to understand was not that I needed them to do things for me, but that I needed their input and understanding of my children and their wealth of experience in dealing with the inter-personal relationships of family life. They back you when decisions are made, giving you the strength and assurance needed to get through difficult times, they reinforce to those children or even your spouse, the course of action was acceptable or even the only real choice you may have had. They help you understand or recall times when things occurred that might be the reason you have acted in a certain way when you may not even understand it yourself. They may have a different method or Love Language that can make the interaction a smoother one as you re-address something with the other party.

  
  

  We have lost a great deal with our moving to take a job or attend school then settling in another area where we have a minimal amount of contact with our family. You may say, well, not all families are close or even that some families aren’t the kind you have a desire to be near. I understand this point. You might also make mention of the ability we have to forge new relationships that are like a family and I did try this with a bit of success in some of the places we lived. The only issue is that the newer relationships will be standoffish about advising for quite some time and may never actually get too involved between you and your spouse or you and your children. They will also never have the background with you to be able to say, ‘remember when we did that as kids?’ So the children don’t get the effect of reinforcement they would near relatives that knew you as a child and maybe were there to bail you out of a situation or two.

  
  

  Have you stories of your youth when some family member (or long time family friend) gave you a hand because they understood where you were coming from and got you a lighter sentence that, none the less, was sufficient to make you not want to mess up again?  Do you recall feeling a connection to someone who gave you a smile and a wink as you traipsed off to play after almost being taken for punishment?  Is there an older or more experienced relative who came by to let you vent then gave you some wonderful, even if hard to swallow, advice about repairing things with your mate?  Share.  maybe in doing this, we can be a family of sorts here.  I think we already are in a way.

  
  

  Aside to the child being corrected and another person stepping into the picture to help them…

  
  

  In my scenario, the child did need to be called out to let it be known the behavior was less than acceptable and all parties involved understood this. There was an understanding between the adult intervening and the child and the parent trying to not be too stern when what already occurred was sufficient for the point to have been made. My real point was, the other adult might have seen a bit of themselves in that child and hoped to not crush their spirit, the parent might have been a very different personality type which would’ve never thought of acting in that way as a child. …and yes, for the record, I had an Uncle Gene and a Mammaw Brown.

  • 1:00 pm
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